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Scratchiverse Wiki
Welcome to The Scratchiverse Welcome Hello. You've found the Scratchiverse Wiki. If you've stumbled into this on another site, perhaps Patreon or Twitter, welcome. I do hope you'll stick around. If you're a reader of the comic, then welcome! You've arrived at a wiki made years before the start of the comic to document the original story as it existed as a Fabletop game series. Below you will find the canon campaigns. These are of course the core of the story from which the comic has been written - and expanded from! So, while they're NOT 100% canon anymore, they'll still have spoilers. And may be painful to read. So beware! --Vami, 19:33 2 April 2019 (CST) The Campaigns, according to rough in-universe chronological order The Modern Scratchiverse ; "The School of Hard Knox," by Theblackdog (1953) #'Session 1:' Mittens, Tabby, and a zealous Templar named Esther arrive at the prestigious Hard Knox University, where they learn that their clubs will battle one another for supremacy. They head to Mechatronics class after a brief battle with the Fight Club but, when a teacher accidentally calls her by the forbidden name, she starts a rampage and nearly kills everyone in the classroom. After an explosion, the party wakes up in the classroom of professor Zhuko, who recruits them to join his "Student Liberating Red People's Brigade." Finally, they arrive at the Music club only to find that club president, Rebecca Black, has terrible taste in music and only rules the club by threatening them with a Nazi sonic weapon called an "Auto-Tuner." After receiving sheet music for the sword, Mittens defeats Black with a bass spirit bomb and becomes the new president of the Music Club. #'Session 2:' Joined by frat bro Chad, the party tries to fill out and deliver the forms needed to register Mittens as the new president of the Music Club. On the way to drop off the forms, they run across Philosophy Club president Ada Rousseau, who wants to give the students up to Professor Natalya so she'll stop her mecha rampage. Chad defeats her and her army of Nietzschean ubermenschen. #'Session 3:' The party heads to the Hard Knox Stadium to confront B-ball club president Wilt Chamberlain in a duel, but Professor Natalya's mechsuit attacks them. In a ferocious battle, the mechsuit is destroyed in a pool of lava but not before all of Chad's popped collars are incinerated, fatally wounding him. The party, now including Chad's ghost, goes on to confront Wilt Chamberlain in a B-ball duel to the death. #'Session 4:' When the party goes to a funeral party to mourn Chad at his frat house, they are tasked by the frat boys to steal a cannon from the rival frat group in exchange for their support. The party, after several failed conversions, steals the cannon and returns to much acclaim. #'Session 5:' The Natural Selection for student council president begins, with the party fending off the Ninja Club, Assassin Club, and Slam Poetry Club all at once in an epic battle, during which Mittens uses Esther as a pinball to clear out several enemies. #'Session 6:' The Natural Selection continues as Tabby vampirizes Discipline Club president Gregor and kills Biology Club president Zoe Hange. The disturbingly cute Nuikitty then invites them to Punkmom's office, where she reveals her plan to usurp power from the Autistic Child and rule the universe. Tabby and the rest of the party defeat and drop a concrete donkey on her, but she returns with an army of gazebos to conquer the school. #'Session 7:' The party mounts a final assault on the Hard Knox campus, which has been rebuilt into a giant gazebo. Mittens tries to seduce Nuikitty, and Tabby confronts Punkmom for the last time. ; "The Bear Wars - Rise of the King," by Silverdream (1956) #'Session One:' The party starts a couple bar fights, recruits a small army of drunks, and heads off to kill a witch. They somehow end up fighting ninjas, vampires, old men, punks, gazebos, and a pizza delivery dwarf in order to reach the witch. Levi gets turned into a sparkly vampire, and Scratchian ends up leading an army of punks. #'Session Two:' The party investigates a string of bear attacks, and meets up with a group of ex-Nazis who give Scratchian a panzer and vow to fight alongside him. Vampire!Levi kills his own mother by accident, and discovers that the king has started the bear attacks with the goal of making a rip-off of Attack on Titan. Scratchian kills the king by lighting his farts on fire, Levi gets back together with Eren, and the land thrives under a new and far more benevolent ruler. However, peace is threatened by the evil Nazi scientist Klaus Barbie, and the newly anointed mechsuit-driving King Scratchian forges an alliance with another ex-Nazi to track him down... #'Session Three:' With the aid of narcissistic professor Gregory, King Scratchian and Levi infiltrate Klaus Barbie's fortress, only to run into a pack of cleaning spiders, which Gregory defeats with the hitherto unknown tactic of diplomacy. The party confronts the evil Klaus Barbie, only for their Nazi informer to switch sides. However, it turns out that King Scratchian was prepared for this all along... #'Session Three Continued:' King Scratchian detonates the bomb he planted inside the Nazi, and he and his troops make short work of Klaus Barbie and his ubermenschen. Scratchian meets Queen Screechian, the ruler of the island, and their respective mecha conceive a child. ; "The Reign of the Catpire," by Silverdream (1964) #'Fall of King Scratchian:' A punk party spirals wildly out of control and inadvertently allows a vampire cult to take over the world, killing King Scratchian and turning almost everyone else into vampires. Also Scratch loses three characters in a row. ; "Cyber Punch," by Vami_IV (1975) #'Session 1:' A badass with a robot arm, a kung fu hacker, and a real rad skateboarder get caught up in a gang war and then recruited by the popo to clean up the streets. #'Session 2:' The party loads up on weapons and confronts some gang members who try to raid the police station. It fails and the party gain a prisoner. #'Session 3:' Jason challenges the sole remaining punk to a skating contest to learn the location of their base, while Owt tries to hack it from his 1980's phone. They go to the base, fight some more punks, and descend into the sewers. #'Session 4 Fail:' Scratch watches Blade Runner for the entire session while the party blunders through a shocking two scenes. #'Session 4 Actual:' The Party makes it into the drug factory after almost a year of real time, and then set it on fire while KiloWhite and a hobo wrestle on top of a table full of drugs that is also on fire. Owt and Imperator enter a room of to the side and find it full of holes and they see a Mafia representative and the leaders of the Ninth Street CYBERs talking. Owt has a vision and then Kilo crashes through the wall like the Koolaid man. The party finally wipes out the CYBERs and deputizes the survivors, but the Chief starts to tell them the truth about Miami. Meanwhile, Owt's vision seems to say that something dire lies in Miami's future... #'Session 5:' The party discusses Owt's premonition that the Catpire may be coming to invade Florida with a fleet of flying battleships, but are tasked with finding and killing the crime lord Skaven, but must begin with his lieutenant, Sh3ll. The party raids his warehouse, then defeat Sh3ll, physically and mentally, and his gang despite it having a latent Kung Fu master. #'Session 6': Continuing on from last session, the party eliminate the drug dealers, meet up with Jason, and discover the entrance to Skaven's lair. They enter and encounter the crime boss, and proceed to pretty much stun lock him and bring his criminal career and life to an end. But as they prepare to leave, a mysterious man dressed a Kriegsmarine captain's uniform steps out of the shadows and escapes without harm when the party refuses his advances. #'Session 7:' #'Session 8:' Everything goes to Hell as the GM gets stuck with exactly two players as most of the party drops for one reason or another. The party returns from the Everglades, but learn that downtown Miami is under attack by arcade turned murder machines! Owt and Jason are sent back in time with the help of Hackerman to Ki Lo Ni's monastery, where he learns the Cyber Punch. #'Session 9:' #'Session 10:' #'Session 11:' #'Session 12:' #'Session 13:' #'Session 14:' #'Session 15:' #'Session 16:' #'Session 17:' #'Session 18:' #'Session 19:' #'Session 20:' The party returns from the Everglades once more to a Miami under martial law and the control of the National Guard. They meet up with Jason (again), then find their way to the Chief in disguise as FBI agents. The Chief, jaded, tasks them with entering the occupied Police HQ and rescuing the testifying Mafioso from the clutches of Scrape. ; "Tales of the Vampire Stabbing Red People's Brigade," by Theblackdog (1988) #'Session One:' In the depths of Rock City, one of the last holdouts of humanity far below the surface of the Earth, a veteran soldier, Ginjack, and a Russian firefighter and revolutionary, Zhuko, enlist in the military to see the surface once again. Zhuko forms the "Vampire Stabbing Red People's Brigade" inspires the rest of the recruits to join his badass Vampire Stabbing Red People's Brigade, and they are assigned a top-secret mission. #'Session Two:' Traveling through the city to a military base, Zhuko and Ginjack fight off an attack by ninja vampires with the help of drunken Cossack Georg and paladin Vami the Fourth. They arrive at the base, which turns out to be Humanity's last battleship, the S.S. Argent Reverie. With the aid of Ginjack's old commander, Old No-Arms, they embark on a mission that may win the war: Recover King Scratchian's body and restore him to life. Their first step: distract the Catpire by bringing Klaus Barbie back to life as a zombie. However, it seems that they'll have to face some old enemies first... #'Session Three:' The Vampire Stabbing Red People's Brigade brings Zombie Klaus Barbie back from the dead, and he predictably tries to zombify them. They escape, but at terrible cost: Old No-Arms is infected and kills himself rather than be turned into a Nazi zombie. But hey, at least Scratch's character got his hands on a tank. Again. While sailing towards King Scratchian's former castle, they are attacked by Vampirates and a deadly Kraken. Vami the Fourth becomes the new OTC-wielding Davy Jones, and Zhuko acquires the power of Geass. The final battle approaches... #'Session Four:' Joined by a friendly ghost and a flamboyant researcher, the party storms King Scratchian's castle and fights its way through vampires and guard robots. Rocky Balboa duels Zhuko to see whose political ideals are superior, and ends up conceding to him. The group enters the castle's throne room and confronts Levi, who serves the Catpire and pilots King Scratchian's mechsuit. When Zhuko's attempts to rekindle his old relationship with Levi fail, he transforms into a Titan and sacrifices himself so that the others can bring their ruler's body home. ; "The Slam Jam Saga," by Theblackdog (1989) #'Session One:' After recovering King Scratchian's body, the party is joined by a heavy metal warrior and world-famous baller Charles Barkley as they begin their journey home. A random hobo wanders aboard the ship and kills three soldiers with his stench before he is caught and forcibly bathed. More serious trouble arises when the ship is boarded by a horde of Nazi zombies. They fend them off and steal the obligatory panzer, but find that this attack was just a diversion from a far more sinister plan... #'Session Two:' The party discovers that during the battle in the previous session, the jar of dirt containing Vami's heart was stolen by a zombie Nazi U-boat. With the help of a living snowman and Kid Death, they board the submarine, but find that Klaus Barbie was just being manipulated (sort of... even the GM isn't clear on it) by Michael Jordan, who planned to ransom the jar of dirt and Barkley's son Hoopz to force them to return King Scratchian's body to the Catpire. With the U-boat sinking around them, they confront Jordan in a basketball game that will decide the fate of the Scratchiverse. #'Session Three:' With their ship heavily damaged, the party is forced to stop in for repairs at Quad City, an underground shelter ruled by four vicious gangs. After saving a pair of DJs from heavily-armed gangsters and a mechsuit, they decide to take over the Lakers, who control the city docks, and discover that their leader is none other than Shaquille O'Neal. They defeat Shaq in a game of HORSE and gain control of the Lakers, but are divided over what to do next... #'Session Four:' The party begins repairs on the Argent Reverie, but then learns that the Heat has sent a massive force of tanks to sink the ship. They travel through a series of haunted catacombs to challenge the Heat's leader to a game of B-ball, but encounter an unexpected enemy: the ghost of Michael Jordan. Transporting them to a baseball field in the Ghost Dimension, Jordan explains the real reason behind his actions... #'Session Five:' the party faces off against the Heat's tanks and a mechsuit-driving LeBron James in a 3-on-3 game. They win and gain control of the Heat, but Magic Johnson of the Wizards gang arrives and steals Barkley's talent. #'Session Six:' The party rides a train into Wizards territory to confront Magic Johnson, but are confronted by a strange man in a metal suit. They shove him out of the train, but he derails it and causes them to land in Wizards turf. After defeating a group of Wizard thugs, they combine their powers to launch themselves at Magic Johnson's tower, where they challenge him to a game of B-ball for Barkley's talent. #'Session Seven:' The game between the Wizards and the party gets underway, and Magic Johnson absorbs Barkley's stolen talent to transform himself into a gigantic monster. When he loses control and almost performs a Chaos Dunk, the party is forced to stop him. After they win the game, Larry Bird shows up with the Celtics to challenge Barkley to a final match. But when he finds himself losing, he summons the demonic gazebo Cuchulainn to defeat Barkley once and for all... ; "The Battle for the Scratchiverse," by Silverdream (1989) #'Session One:' King Scratchian is restored to life and imbued with the powers of both Silvadream and Overwatch. Joining forces with Gregory, the dwarf Mim, and Mikasa, who wants to rescue her brother Eren from the Catpire's clutches, they reprogram a group of evil-bots to be their mooks and head out. They are confronted by an extremely American family, but Mikasa ends things peacefully by convincing them to become weeabos. They face the Catpire in battle, and Mim betrays them but is quickly insulted to death by Gregory. Then resurrected and insulted him to death again. King Scratchian kills the Catpire with an anal detonator, but this only causes it to reveal its Gazebo form. The Gazebo then shows the party the truth of the Scratchiverse: it is contained within the mind of an autistic boy. The autistic boy is euthanized, leaving the party hanging in subspace. With no other choice, they make an alliance with the catpire and go on a quest to restore the Autistic Boy to life... #'Session Two:' An extremely short session in which the party journeys to some kind of anime-inspired alternate universe in search of the first of the artifacts required to restore the Autistic Boy. #'Session Three:' After saving a young woman from rat people, the party returns to her village and learns that the artifact they seek is the prize in a legendary eating contest. They enter the contest and find that they've bitten off more than they can chew when the losers start dying around them. They outlast all of their opponents, but are faced with a new problem: only one person can win... After winning the contest, they journey to a TV-inspired universe and interrogate a drug addict to learn that the criminal underworld is ruled over by a powerful figure known as the G-man. S.H.I.E.L.D. shows up and offers them a ride to Westeros on the helicarrier, but a strange creature attacks them in mid-air. #'Session Four, with Special Guest Star Natalya:' Joined by notorious cyber-criminal punk Erika, the party ventures forth into the forests of Westeros and annihilates a group of seriously overconfident barbarians. They try to obtain information from a meth peddler, but are ambushed by a group of sellswords and White Walkers. Mikasa defeats both White Walkers at once with the greatest tank cannon shot ever, and the group heads back to the city for a final confrontation with the G-man, who proves to be almost as magnificent a bastard as King Scratchian himself. #'Session Five:' The party gets into a three-way... confrontation... with the G-man and Heisenberg, who is wearing his underpants - nevermind. Heisenberg nearly manages to defeat them with science, but Scratchian convinces him that the G-man is his son. The party acquires the next artifact and journeys to a bar in the Movieverse, where they of course start a brawl. Mikasa gets naked, Scratchian and Django are unable to hit anything despite having an entire mech full of guns, and the group causes the deaths of several fictional characters. #'Session Six:' The party travels to a high-rise building owned by the drug lord Ma-Ma. She initially claims to know where this universe's artifact is, but betrays them and drops them into a sewer. With the water level rising and the walls closing in, King Scratchian plans a truly epic escape. The party continues to travel through the sewer and finds a doorway to an astral plane containing the ghost of Lo Pan. Pan raises three powerful warriors to attack them, but Ma-Ma arrives with an army of thugs, robots, and ghostbusters. After the players defeat Lo Pan's forces, Ma-Ma offers them the artifact, but King Scratchian's sanity is starting to wear thin... #'Session Seven:' The party travels to the Realverse to collect the final artifact, and winds up being mistaken for therapists by the mother of a (different) autistic child. Hilarity ensues when a would-be robber enters the home, and the party's attempts to apprehend him spiral out of control, eventually resulting in King Scratchian faking a terrorist attack and killing several cops in the process. After this excitement, the party obtains the final artifact by... buying it from Target. #'Session Eight:' Having collected all of the artifacts, the party travels to Hades to resurrect the Autistic Boy. They fight, sing, and dance their way through the Demon Wastes and arrive just in time to rescue him from the Child Broiler. Scratchian and Mikasa try to get revenge against the Catpire, but the Autistic Boy steps in and resolves their conflict. The Scratchiverse is restored as a peaceful utopia... for now. The Great Retcon, beginning 1989 ; "The Revenge of Cuchulainn: Return of the Vampire Stabbing Red People's Brigade - Battle of the Bands," by Theblackdog (1990) #'Session 1:' President Tabby calls in Mittens the Kitten from his latest music gig, Armin from his squad, and the hobo Gloves from... somewhere... to perform a top secret mission. The three of them are to deliver the Celtic gazebo space warlord Cuchulainn to his tomb in Proto Neo New York before the bottle holding him breaks and releases him back into the world. On the way to the docks, they are attacked by a sniper and a group of robo-dogs, one of whom Mittens re-programs and rides around. At the docks, they are waylaid by a mechsuit and a group of masked thugs before they can board their ship. Gloves captures the mechsuit for himself and crushes its pilot under a flaming barrel, and the group takes a boat out to the Argent Reverie while their players try to wrap their heads around what happened in the Great Retcon. #'Session 2:' The party, joined by a radical environmentalist and a cheat commando, fights off a group of Bainshees attacking their ship, lands on L.I.B.E.R.T.Y. island, and starts a massive gunfight when they try to sneak through the booty scanners in the customs building. After defeating the security guards, they draw the ire of president Mecha Delano Roosevelt, but manage to defeat him in battle. They talk their way past a group of gun pandas to reach Cuchulainn's tomb, but Cuchulainn tries to bargain for his own freedom by showing them the true past: President Tabby was in fact the Catpire, a vampiric despot who conquered all of Greater Scratchia. Just as they are about to accept his terms and free him, a mysterious masked figure throws him into the tomb and invites them to join a resistance force called the Vampire Stabbing Red People's Brigade... #'Session 3:' the party is joined by a gun nut named Ted, and discovers that the Vampire Stabbing Red People's Brigade is flat broke. In order to raise money, Zero suggests that they enter the Greater Scratchia Battle of the Bands and collect its 5 million boondollar prize. First, though, they'll have to pay off their debts to music shop owner Ray Charles by performing at a country bar. #'Session 4:' The party travels back to Scratchia aboard the Argent Reverie, while trying to figure out how to entertain the bored crew. Woodsy's suggestion of a vegan barbeque starts a mass mutiny, which is only calmed when the crew fights their way to the bridge and uses the power of rock to win the crew over. #'Session 5:' The party arrives at an underground theater to play its first set, but are interrupted by a squad of psychobots and enforcers trying to arrest them for playing unlicensed music. Gloves convinces one Enforcer to return to his roots as a hobo, and he sacrifices himself to let the party escape the theater. #'Session 6:' The party goes to a Pizza Hut to order a large Ham Pizza, but a mysterious masked figure tries to kill them all to take revenge against Zero for an unknown reason. They drive the attacker off and head to the next gig, only to find themselves competing against the Catpire himself... #'Session 7:' The party travels to Quad City but is interrupted by a group of Nazis on a bridge. Ted Nugget almost kills himself trying to hijack a panzer and then finishes the job by blowing himself and two nazis up with a Molotov cocktail. The party gets into a fight over the remaining panzer, and Gloves eventually uses it as a bindle. The group reaches Quad City and defeats the Quad City DJs in a jam-off, but the reveal Zero's true identity threatens to tear the Vampire Stabbing Red People's Brigade apart... #'Session 8:' The party heads towards the final gig in Castle Scratchburg, battling through waves of Nazis and Enforcers to face the Catpire himself in a musical shred-off. But, after they defeat him, Levi reappears to crown himself Emperor of Greater Scratchia and Shaquille O'Neal challenges him with a superweapon that might devastate the entire city. The final battle of the Great Retcon universe approaches... #'The Shaq Rebellion:' Towards the end of 1990, the final battle between Emperor Levi and Shaq approaches. ;"Hideo Kojima Presents: Bagger Gear Solid: The Twin Scratch: A Hideo Kojima Production by Hideo Kojima (and Guest Starring Revolver "Shalashaska" Ocelot)," by Theblackdog (unknown, likely 2049) #'Session 1:' Special operative Solid Scratch is brought out of retirement for one final mission. A group of Nazis have occupied a facility on the island of Cyprus and stolen a secret weapon. Worse still, they're being led by his old unit, the Memes, now commanded by Liquid Scratch. Along with a cyborg gamer and Revolver "Shalashaska" Ocelot, Solid Scratch infiltrates the island... #'Session 2:' Joined by a shotgun ninja and a literal snake, the party meets Liquid Scratch and learns that both he and Solid Scratch were created by a secret military project called Les Batardes Magnifiques, which sought to clone King Scratchian in order to replicate his Conqueror Genes. Liquid plans to use the Bagger 288 to claim the throne of Greater Scratchia, fulfilling his genetic legacy. After damaging Liquid's tank and forcing him to retreat, they battle Temmie and investigate a weapons factory where Konami developers are forced to work long hours building Pachinko Gears for minimum wage. However, they realize that Liquid has allied himself with B.L.O.O.D.M.O.S.E.S., and Revolver Ocelot is one of the Memes... #'Session 3:' The group battles the PSY and defeats him in spite of his psychic powers, and confronts the dreaded Sniper Kitty. They reach the base, but are captured by Revolver Ocelot only to escape with the help of the mysterious Cyborg Wrestler. #'Session 4:' The group fights their way past the soldiers outside the torture room only to find themselves trapped in a steel cage with the Cyborg Wrestler, who is revealed to be John Cena. After defeating Cena with explosives and wrestling, they confront the strongest of the Memes - the Quad City DJs. They are unable to surpass the DJs' jam, but just before they are blasted away by the beat the Quad City DJs both die of simultaneous heart attacks. Mittens realizes that Solid Scratch must have been injected with the S.C.R.A.T.C.H.D.I.E. virus, which kills people based on their DNA, but to what end?... (NOTE: DOES NOT ACTUALLY GUEST STAR REVOLVER "SHALASHASKA" OCELOT) #'Session 5:' After surviving the Microwave Hallway, the group confronts Liquid Scratch and the Bagger 288. After the Bagger is destroyed, Liquid threatens to take them all down with him, but Revolver Ocelot appears and reveals the true nature of his plan... ;"Hideo Kojima Presents: Bagger Gear Solid II: Scratch Eater: A Hideo Kojima Production by Hideo Kojima," by Theblackdog (unknown, likely 2049) #'Session 1:' Solid Scratch, now king of Greater Scratchia, learns that Jagganoth's spies have stolen an experimental A.I. to complete his newest project: a weapon to surpass the Bagger 288. They travel to India to recover it but are defeated when United States President Richard Sears unexpectedly arrives to support Jagganoth. Sears reveals that he is Solid's other brother, Solidus Scratch, and fires a nuclear warhead on Indian soil. In order to prevent Gog-Agog from launching a counterattack on Scratchia, the party must defeat both Solidus and Jagganoth within a week. They begin to follow Jagganoth's trail but encounter the first member of Jagganoth's counter to the Memes, a top-secret unit called Dank Cell... #'Session 2:' The party, joined by Dirk the shotgun ninja, travels to a nearby weapons lab. Along the way they encounter Randy Orton, and Solid Scratch defeats him with an RPG out of nowhere. Solidus Scratch attempts to ambush them in a mechsuit while they climb the long ladder up to the base, but Dirk steals the mech from him and uses its missiles to defeat the base's guards. They confront Solidus, who monologues for a while and then escapes the base while sending 25 Pachinko Gears to attack them. At the last second, they are saved by a Cyborg Wrestler... #'Session 3:' Revolver Ocelot reveals that he has been possessed by Liquid Scratch through his transplanted arm and fights the party, eventually dropping them off a cliff into the water below. They are briefly transported to the Ghost Dimension, where The Loss confronts them with the souls of all the enemies they killed. After they escape, they fight their way past warriors, solar panels, and Liquid Ocelot to reach Jagganoth's base, where the second Cyborg Wrestler's true identity is revealed. #'Session 4:' After learning that the second Cyborg Wrestler was actually Dio, the party defeats him by shooting him in the face a lot. They then battle Jagganoth's ultimate weapon, the Quadcopter. Mittens realizes that Tabby is the leader of S.H.A.D.O.W.M.O.S.E.S. and plans to take over the world. #'Session 5:' The party takes a Dahir Insaat traincopter to hunt down Jagganoth and Solidus Scratch. Liquid Ocelot attempts to board mid-flight, but is unceremoniously dumped into the ocean. The party catches up with Jagganoth and Solidus and defeats them in battle, but what will they do next?... ;"Hideo Kojima Presents: Bagger Gear Solid III: The Phantom Jam: A Hideo Kojima Production By Hideo Kojima," by Theblackdog (2049) #'Session 1:' In 2049, King Scratchian the Great wakes up in a hospital. Things go awry quickly, however, as the Doctor and his Nurse are killed and a mysterious, heavily mechanically modified woman and various -dere woman named Esther, an old but sadistic and angry janitor named Doug, and Scratchian's bastard son Jose burst on scene. After initially assaulting Esther, Scratchian is removed from the hospital as it comes under attack by commandos in dark armor and a mysterious, burning apparition. Esther and Jose drag Doug and literally drag and carry Scratchian out of the hospital and narrowly escapes the increasingly grim situation with the help of Revolver Ocelot, who takes them to the Base of the Mother. There he discovers Esther's identity and her unwonted and somewhat toxic obsession with him and that he has been in a coma for 60 years and, in that time, Zero has taken over the world and that he banned B-ball after the First Chaos Dunk. Hideo Kojima offers them a chance to get revenge on the Catpire in exchange for helping him defeat Konami, then gives Scratchian the keys to the operation upon his agreement. Scratchian travels to India to rescue Mittens, who is being held captive by the forces of S.H.A.D.O.W.M.O.S.E.S. #'Session 2:' The party travels to a small island in the middle of the Indian Ocean to rescue Norman Reedus so he can star in Hideo Kojima's newest vidcon. They manage to avoid drowning, and fight their way through the Konami soldiers on the island. #'Session 3:' The party seizes a mysterious b-ball from Konami's base, then fights the LQ-34i Ball Wolf. Finally, they reach Norman Reedus, but have to calm down his invisible baby before they can extract him from the island. Then they travel to Afghanistan, where they rescue several Kojima Productions devs from the Konami pachinko mines. #'Session 4:' The party investigates a research facility in the mountains of India. After defeating the notorious sniper Loud, they find a lab full of corpses in the middle of an abandoned village. #'Session 5:' Jose attempts to re-forge Esther's sword after it was destroyed last session and loses an arm and eye in the process. After Mittens actually fixes the problem and gives the sword base powers the party goes on a mission to rescue Royal Scientist Asplund from a S.H.A.D.O.W.M.O.S.E.S. laboratory. After taming a pair of hawks with the best roll in our history and defeating the laboratory guards with fulton-based martial arts, they come face to face with Zero. As Esther becomes increasingly disturbed, Zero reveals that Jose is Gaseous Scratch, the fourth clone of King Scratchian, and then unleashes his latest creation: a weapon to surpass that Code Geass reference from over two years ago... #'Session 6:' Loud forces the party to exercise, and Doug traumatizes everyone. A plague breaks out on the Base of the Mother, and the party travels to India to raid a complex that may contain the cure. They find Woodsy, and learn that the Catpire has created a parasite that kills anyone who plays a specific sport and that the only way to placate the parasite is to toke. #'Session 7:' Woodsy and his marijuana immediately make Kojima Studios and Mother Base a better, more productive place. However, Woodsy goes and spoils the mood by dropping a bombshell: curling was not one of the sports that a parasite was produced for, meaning that it must have been spread to Mother Base's curling team some other way. Mittens immediately accuses Ocelot, so Scratchian tries and fails to stare at the face of a person to determine whether or not Ocelot is lying, then handcuffs Mittens and Ocelot together. Esther freaks out over a test lie from Ocelot, and Jose tokes and talks a lot. When Scratchian to get his house in order, they deploy to a secret plant in Afghanistan to retrieve a Slamicite core. The mission, though successful, leaves the party and especially Esther dumbfounded and one-armed at the Slamicite and the Ecto Cooler below it IS AN OMEN, but Asplund has something up his sleeve: a robotic arm, which is bestowed to Esther, who begins a new path to an uncertain future. #'Session 8:' The party extracts Bill Murray from a S.H.A.D.O.W.M.O.S.E.S. base so he can teach Esther how to master her B-ball powers. However, Zero launches a raid on the Base of the Mother under the guise of an ESRB copyright inspection, and his true identity is finally revealed... #'Session 9:' Hideo Kojima decides to make the casualties from his dev team into polygons to honor their memory, and the party heads out to confront Tabby and the EVAN for the last time. After they fight their way past Pachinko Gears, vampires, and soldiers, Tabby invites them on an awkward Jeep ride to the EVAN hangar. He reveals that he plans to use a B-ball parasite to rid the world of B-ball, and use the EVANs to become powerful enough to take over the Autistic Boy's mind from within and protect him from his parents. At the EVAN hangar, the party confronts the Man on Fire, but the EVAN activates on its own and destroys him. The party manages to break open the EVAN's entry plug and Esther climbs aboard, but the EVAN's will overrides hers and starts a Chaos Dunk until Esther manages to take back control. The group confronts Tabby, who reveals that he was actually Decoy Octopus, and that the real Tabby may not even be on Earth anymore. They obtain the access codes for S.H.A.D.O.W.M.O.S.E.S.' computer system, and take the EVAN back to the Base of the Mother, but it's not over yet... ;"Final Slam," by Theblackdog (2050) #'Session 1:' After Liquid Scratch steals the EVAN unit, Scratchian, Esther, Jose, and Buster plan their next steps. They discover that before Tabby left, he delegated control of Scratchia's government, military, and economy to a network of 5 AIs. Scratchian invades Castle Scratchburg to negotiate with Solid Scratch, but soon discovers that Solid Scratch doesn't want him to return to power. They face off against Solid Scratch's overpowered mechsuit, and end up having to evacuate aboard Pequod no closer to achieving their goals. On the way back, though, Esther makes a startling confession... #'Session 2:' Scratchian collapses on the command deck, and he and Esther build their relationship until Doug interrupts them by crashing through the ceiling. The party heads to Gog-Agog's palace to ally with her, but end up killing her instead. #'Session 3:' Scratchian and the Party travel to the Pallid City and negotiate with the Rat King, Hassan, and are successful thanks to an empathy between the two Kings. #'Session 4:' Next, the Party goes to speak to the Teblors, who doubt Scratchian and mock him. To test Scratchian, a High Teblor challenges the Party to a game of HORSE. When he is almost defeated, he resorts to a Chaos Dunk until being timely being struck down by Augustus, priest of Clisapeth and Consul of the Teblors. He too challenges Scratchian to a game of B-Ball, and he too believes that Scratchian is the apocalypse. When he refuses the let the Party leave, Esther loses it and provokes a battle, which the Party handily wins. Exiting, they are assaulted by Teblors and Esther again flies off the handle once she takes a grievous injury from a High Teblor and goes totally apeshit. Boarding the helicopter, Scratchian rejects the possibility of recruiting any more allies. Late Scratchiverse and The End ;"Slam From Genesis," by Theblackdog (2054) #'Session 1.0: White People Can (Not) Jump:' Hoopz arrives in the future to find that the Third Chaos Dunk has effectively devastated the world. NBA Commander Bill Murray orders him to pilot EvanTurner Unit-01 and defend the Geofront Stadium against the various gigantic sports-themed monsters that constantly threaten to invade it. Along with Asuka and Kaworu, they defeat a football themed Angel, engage in some homoerotic piano playing, and then take an unauthorized trip to the lowest level of the Stadium to see the mysterious source of B-ball. They find that Bill Murray and the NBA may not be as trustworthy as they seem... #'Session 2.0: Kaworu Is (Not) Straight:' The party slaughters a disturbingly phallic Angel in the dapperest manner possible. Asuka continues to fail at everything and get mad about it. #'Session 3.0: You Must (Not) Rock Out:' The party travels to Siberia to defend a mysterious NBA expedition from another Angel. Balthios suspects that the NBA has recovered the Ultimate B-ball to further their nefarious plans, and leads the group into the caverns under Geofront Stadium in search of more answers. They are waylaid by a group of Slam Spectres, but defeat them with the power of rock and guns. #'Session 4.0: This Is (Not) Your Jam:' The party arrives at a mysterious lab just in time to see a failed experiment create a rampaging B-ball monster. After Kaworu seduces the monster, the group engages in a naked slap fight and learns that the B-ball terrorist group B.L.O.O.D.M.O.S.E.S. is manipulating the NBA behind the scenes. Before they can do anything with this revelation, a new and even deadlier Angel attacks... #'Session 5.0: This Was (Not) The Plan:' The party follows Bill Murray to spy on his meeting with B.L.O.O.D.M.O.S.E.S. Well... not so much "spy on him" as "Pose as a schoolgirl to sneak into the meeting, knock him unconscious, impersonate him in front of an evil terrorist organization, take over the entire NBA, and launch an all-out war on the shadowy villains manipulating them from behind the scenes". They confront the dreaded Diabeasty, and learn that Hoopz may have the power to change B-ball forever... #'Session 6.0: We Are (Not) In Space:' Having gained control of the NBA, the party launches into orbit to recover the Cyberdwarf's escape pod. But complications arise when a new Angel is sighted descending rapidly towards the Geofront Stadium. Meanwhile, Hoopz begins to learn about the true nature of his powers. #'Session 7.0: You Must (Not) Run Away:' The party interrogates Bill Murray about B.L.O.O.D.M.O.S.E.S.' plans, and learns more about Hoopz' powers. Hoopz decides to merge with the Original Baller to fight B.L.O.O.D.M.O.S.E.S.' Mass Production EvanTurners, and just barely manages to control its enormous power. B.L.O.O.D.M.O.S.E.S. attacks the Geofront Stadium, and the final battle for the fate of the world begins... Latest activity Category:Browse